Sometimes, I think I get so busy and wrapped up in the things I 'have' to do, I make myself believe that I simply don't have time to take care of myself completely. I can't do five minutes of something calming, I have to do the dishes. I can't stop and enjoy the moment right now, I am in the middle of doing something. I can't sleep when baby sleeps, That's the only time I have to get stuff done, or put my feet up. I am so silly sometimes!
I tend to mix up things that are actually relaxing, rejuvenating, and over all better for my well being, with things that let my mind turn to mush. For example, when I get downtime in a day I tend spend it doing things like checking social media or watching mindless television. My body might be resting, but my mind is processing and thinking and generally just doing a whole lot of not so relaxing stuff.
Today, however, I took the time to actually relax. I took a nap. I slept when my baby slept. Now, napping isn't that extremely rare. Sometimes, this mama gets tired... really tired, and when I am at the point where I can hardly get my but off the couch or speak proper English, I give in and collapse in an exhausted heap while Cody takes over for me. When I wake thirty minutes to an hour later, I don`t feel extremely well rested. Sure I`m not as close to walking into walls, but I am typically sort of cranky, lethargic, and bummed that I only got to sleep an hour and not a full nights worth of rest. That`s why I try and avoid napping and just try to tough it out until bed time. Back to today though, Mackynzie had been napping for about an hour while I read a book. I felt the familiar drowsy feeling wash over me (a feeling I would usually shake off and go on. Often due to being distracted on my phone or watching something.), and I was about to brush it off, when I stopped to think about it. Could I use a nap? Always. Was I doing something that was extremely important and could not be left for any period of time? Of course not. Having just been reading and my mind being far more relaxed than if I were doing something of the usual, I was more in tune with myself and my instincts (amazing what taking a technology break can do.) I really wanted to just snuggle my baby, so I decided I would go upstairs to do just that. I doubted I would sleep, but I figured just resting in bed would be beneficial. I crawled in beside her, snuggled her close, and closed my eyes. When I awoke, I looked at my little girl smiling and stretching at me and thought it must have been at least an hour later! I felt like I had solidly slept for two hours! When we did everything that is needed to get out of bed and go downstairs, I was extremely surprised that only a half hour had passed. Clearly, I needed to take advantage of when my body started to show signs of sleepiness more often.
For me, it is really hard to pry myself away from whatever I am doing and meet by basic needs sometimes. I have programmed myself to just ignore my body and push through for so many years, I have forgotten what it's like to respond and care for myself. That one is an odd realization. Caring for everyone else, and then discovering you have been neglecting your own needs. Especially when I had thought I was taking care of myself. In reality, I was just cheating my way around it. Shoving all my stuff in the closet and shutting the door if you will. I did my hair sort of, I got dressed, I ate food, I showered, I went to bed eventually... That was all I needed, right? Well let's just say It's a work in progress, but my eyes have been opened to the fact that it's time to cut it out and take care of myself for real.I am no good to anyone if I am only sliding by.
And with that, I think I will crawl into bed for some