Longing For Sleep

 You can read about how the nights following this post went here, with  night 1, night 2, night 3, night 4,  night 5,  night 6, and night 7

 I am tired. Seriously tired. downright crazy exhausted. It has been this way for a while and the thought of being well-rested seams like a far away dream. A very far dream, since you need sleep to dream.

  Our nights start off with me nursing Mackynzie to sleep, then laying her either in our bed or her bed (until the move, her bed has always been beside ours. It's currently in 'her room' until we get things organized.). Our bed time routine is casual, but pretty solid and it has worked well for us at bed time. Staying asleep, however, is another story. Mackynzie still nurses throughout the night and wakes often to do so. In fact, she would be happy to just stay on the breast all night and have that be that. Night nursing is getting hard though. I have never been one of those people who can latch baby, close their eyes and go right back to sleep. I am lucky if I doze off lightly for a few minutes. It also becomes extremely uncomfortable to nurse in the night time position. My back aches and clenches and I start getting a claustrophobic, panicky, itchy feeling. But she insists on nursing several times per night, even though she is hardly suckling, and most definitely not drinking milk. This routine has resulted in a very tired mama.

 We have tried a few things that are in our comfort zone, like having her in her own space, in her own room, giving her a drink before bed, giving her a snack right before bed, tiring her out like mad, and many others. Some nights seemed like things may start to shift, and we would be sleeping soundly soon. It wouldn't take long for things to go back to normal again, though, and for us to realize our longer stretches of sleep had been from factors outside our normal routine.

 I am finding myself often stumbling through my days. Not paying enough attention to conversations to catch even the last sentence. Unable to muster up enough energy to do simple things like go to the park or take the dogs for a walk. My creativity has flown out the window. I have a sad amount of patience. And admittedly, I have found myself to be cranky and irritable. That last one really bothers me. Mackynzie has been tired too, and often joining me on the cranky bus due to lack of rest.

 Night weaning has come up in the past. We gave it a gentle try, but it didn't feel right, so we stopped.  I know saying something doesn't 'feel' right is a very unscientific term, but we believe very deeply that our instincts need to be what drives our family, so we can do what is right for us.

 Mackynzie is 19 months old now. She is showing some major signs of being ready, and everything feels right now. It's not an uncomfortable thought anymore, and neither Cody nor I leave a conversation about it with feelings of guilt or uncertainty. Since first thinking about it, we had been looking at different ways to go about this delicate process. I had been introduced to an article some time ago, when night weaning was a far off thought, by Dr. Jay Gordon. I loved his gentle, yet honest approach, and how his methods really matched well with our beliefs to respect our baby's night time needs.
  While heavily considering night weaning again with Cody, I sought out to find his article, and read it with a mind that was now ready to absorb and consider it's information, seeing as we were in a place that it was instinctively comfortable for us.

We talked it out, laid out our goals, concerns, and anything else we were unsure of, and decided that this was the right method for us, and that we would give it a try.

 Tonight, we begin night 2. I have every intention to share this journey, and will go over night 1 shortly. I can't say that some nights may not be a one word post, but I will do my best. We really need sleep. I am hoping that with this experience, we can bring back our normal selves and get things back on track.