01/52

 I am not good at committing to photo challenges, whether they be daily or those 'take the same picture in this spot every week', It just slips my mind. Although I am late to the game in starting, I decided in January that I wanted to start a photo project. One I am calling 'project 52'. I am going to take a photo of my daughter every week, for one year in -mostly- 2013. I got the inspiration from a lovely mama who blogs by the name of bleubird. Though I take many photos of my sweet little lady, I have never really done a formal weekly or monthly photo (We did put together a birthday video for her first birthday.). I am really excited to capture my ever changing girl with this project. It will be such a lovely thing to look back on and who knows- maybe i'll do it again.

 The point of this is to capture a portrait a week for a year, so the start date doesn't really matter. Feel free to start your own and (or if you already have) share it with me! I would love to see your precious little's.

Have a lovely day friends xo.

Bits + Pieces

*A tea party with her two favorite guys. (fresh from work I believe.. haha)*

 This was actually supposed to be published on Monday, but my computer was being silly so it didn't happen. With that in mind, i'm just going to share the picture part of this weeks bits+pieces. Last Thursday  the wicked cold thing that's going around hit our house. We had a couple of rough days, but are *finally* on the mend! Mackynzie and I just have the tail end of the cold part left, so we should be better by the weekend. We took a trip to the zoo last weekend so we could all get some fresh air, and that little nakey baby is her talking on the phone with her dad. And pacing. She also learned how to play X's and O's and she is really good at it.

 I have lots to catch up on both here, and in my house but i'm excited about a couple new things I plan on doing. Details will be shared next week. Hope you are all healthy and avoiding the sickies!

Family Fun

 We don't get to go on many full day outings as a family, but sometimes we do and it's awesome. There is nothing better than having the most fun with the people you get to spend every day with. We decided to take the gorgeous weather as a sign and headed to the zoo. Cody doesn't get to go to the zoo often, but it's one of our very favorite things to do.

 We headed out bright and early (So early that we had to get the second half of our breaky in the city because the place wasn't open yet in town.).

 We tried to get pictures in the rocks and start a bit of a zoo tradition (we have summer photos here.), but the preferred place was blocked off due to snow and ice, and Mackynzie wasn't really feeling it. We will get good ones when the snow melts!

 It was so much fun. Since we were there when it opened, we were done by early afternoon and hit up the mall as well. I may or may not have gotten my fix of green tea frapp...

 I hope you are all having a lovely week, and if you are Canadian, that you had a wonderful family day weekend!

Taking off a few layers

 I have come to realise something as I look through my blog here and there. I really don't share a lot about our life anymore. Sure, I share photos and bits and pieces, but I stopped sharing how we live. Passions, goals, lifestyle, quirky nothingness. I don't know exactly what happened, but my guess is that I just don't know how. You see, I am the kind of person that likes solidified answers to my questions. I like to know how it is, so that I can move on as soon as possible. In this journey however, I have been slowly seeing the beauty in doing the opposite. It might be hard to kick old ways of thinking, but there is this place of adrenaline and accomplishment in the moments you do. It comes only after you have thought you couldn't push any further, but you do. Just one last shove and -BAM- you do it. You break through ties you may have not realised where holding you and there is this moment of peace. It.Feels.Amazing. I suppose It has been mostly because of insecurities. I have taken a more severe approach to what and how I share, on both ends, so I have been (mostly) unconsciously hiding away and not really sharing much of anything. I keep saying to myself  "I didn't like how I was presenting myself. I don't want to go back to that. It wasn't me. But being 'safe' just isn't me either.". And so I sit and stew often about what I should do, what I am too scared to do, why I even bother with a blog, and all the in-between. I have been such a people-pleaser my entire life, that I often don't even realise that I am making decisions based on others. Will people like me? What if I make someone mad? What if someone thinks I'm a bad mom? What if they take one look at my face and judge me for my age? I think it really just boils down to the all-to-common question: "What if nobody likes me?". I'm finally understanding the meaning of the answer to that now. So what. Someone will always like you. Someone will always dislike you. Does that mean you base your own self worth on the opinion of another, who has such little impact on your whole life? Sometimes, it will sting. Hell, sometimes it will burn. Bad. There will always be criticism, rejection, snide comments, and people who want to hurt your feelings. We can focus on how bad all of it makes us feel, or we can turn our backs and walk away. Focus on the good. The compliments, acceptance, polite remarks, and people who can relate to you. We can learn from the things that sting, and grow,  rather than wither.

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

“I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.”

-Bill Crosby

 I am always finding myself having little bursts of inspiration or an urge to share an aspect of our lives, but then I don't. Well, now I think it's silly and If I want to spend time writing here, I might as well be upfront and real. I know it's a slow change, and that it will be a process far deeper than simply typing and hitting 'publish', but I know how good it's going to feel. I can't keep hiding, and pushing people away in fear of what they may think of me. I am me, and there is no getting around that. I feel like I have found the confidence that I admire so much in others, in myself. 

At first glance, I may just be a young girl, with a husband and a baby and an ordinary life, but there is so much beauty in this life. I just so happen to be the kind of girl who likes to share the beauty around her. I know not everyone will think the same things are beautiful as I do, but I'm okay with that now. The point is that it excites my heart and brings light to my eyes. Really, that's all that matters. I will always have my own beauties to surround myself with and right now, I want to document and share it. Without the fear or insecurities. Most of them are silly anyhow. 

Thanks for tagging along as I learn to be myself, who knew what a process it would be!

Getting Out to Play

Spring is coming! I am so happy. I feel completely rejuvenation with the warmer weather (It better not be playing with me.). My house on the other hand, is not feeling so 'fresh'. I'm really glad I gave up on needing to have the house spotless at all the times; It was way overrated.

While I have been neglecting my house, I have been doing lots of playing and spending my time on what really matters; my little adventurer. 

First lady bug of the year. It's never a bad time for some good luck!

I never realised how much control the technology in my life had over me. I was completely sucked in. Now that I have put that damn phone away, my productivity and mood are getting better with each new day. Part of me wants to slip into that dreadful place of guilt, making me wallow in ugly truths like: "how often did I miss a sweet smile, or not show enough thought in my response to something she was proud of. How often did I dismiss her for reasons no where near valid?". But the larger part of me, knows that when you know better, you do better and so I am. I slip up still, but I know I am working towards a goal that will do wonders for myself and our family. I am extremely aware of my distractions now. How they change my mood and leave me feeling, and when to pull away. It's hard to put aside such a prominent part of daily life, but the benefits are unbelievable!

I have so much excitement building for this summer. The warm, bright mornings. Days filled with games, activities, outside play sessions and chalk drawings. Late night walks. It will be  good. 

I hope you are all having a wonderful week. We need to get get on some more valentines day crafts and decorations. I am absolutely loving all the photos being shared of warm love-filled homes and messy craft hearts. 

Bits and Pieces

Eggs on toast

Meal: Breakfast/Lunch

Break down: 1 piece sprouted toast with coconut oil, 2 eggs (S&P), snap peas.

Info: Usually, I add chia seeds to just about everything but I forgot. Don't know what chia seeds are? They are little super food amazing tasteless things. Go buy them and put them on everything. Also, this is not paleo because there is bread, but since we are transitioning back to paleo, I figured ill post our transitional meals as well.

Sweet Buster

Meal: Snack

Break down: Organic dried coconut chunks, dried apricot

In My Fridge.

                         

                             

 I forgot the side of my fridge, but all that's in there (aside from pickles, ketchup and bbq sauce.) is chia seeds, nutritional yeast, ground flax and seaweed.

I also filmed the wrong way. oops!

Enjoy my awkwardness :)

A 'Good'-Bad Day

 Today wasn't a bad day. It was actually a very pleasant day, right up to mid afternoon. I don't know what happened, but something was triggered that sent me into a slump. Pair that with general restlessness all around, and everyone and everything becomes overwhelmed. I'm wracking my brain, trying to figure out what set me off. I had no patience and could feel frustration constantly simmering, just waiting for the opportunity to boil over.

 Honestly though, today was one of those 'good' hard days. You see, I have been having this problem for as long as I can remember. I have these 'triggers' that send me off into the distance of my own mind. Reliving feeling, emotions, regrets, you name it. And even though I have come to a place of 'I don't live in that place/emotion anymore, it will not consume me', there has always been a piece of that thick root, hiding under layers and layers of band-aid solutions. It can be the silliest things that set me off too; a smell, tv show, name, place, etc. I would cover it up by avoidance, distraction, or even thinking that if I was able to be fine around my triggers, that all was well. Well, along this path of growing, changing and healing, I have come to the point of facing my fears. The deep ones. No more covering up the uncomfortable, or jumping to turn channels at the sight of a character. This year, I decided that enough was enough. I was going to rip that damn band-aid off, and although it may sting a little at first, I knew that it was going to feel better and better. Much better than it did slowly peeling and picking at it, wincing with each tugged hair. It was time to let it breathe the fresh air and heal. I ripped off my band aid very recently, and today I was faced with things I have been trying so desperately to cover.

 It's hard; digging in and facing your demons. They are mean, and they bite. Hard. It's hard to correct your old ways of dealing with things, and allow yourself to open up and admit your real feelings and emotions. But there is no way to face them until you know what they are, so you dig and sift and sort, and then you fight. It's not an all out brawl either. Its a delicate, yet firm test of strength. I have tasted it's victory too, and it is worth every ounce of self struggle and shed tear.

I know this year will be hard for me personally. I know there will be tears, and seemingly mental breakdowns that I roll my eyes and blush about later. But I also know that if I do this, it will be one of my most rewarding years to date. It will be liberating and freeing, and the tears that fall will water my roots to ensure they grow deep and strong.

Yes, there will be bad days, but they will be fiercely outnumbered by stunning, uplifting, really good days.

Cabin fever, meet my sparkling butt rays.

 I don't know that I have ever had such a hard time with winter before. Sure, our winters are long and normally cold, but they pass and spring comes again, just in time for my head not to explode. This year, though, I feel like I am climbing the walls. Honestly, my feelings right now are most likely due to the week I am having. Not a bad week, just a very empty week, with not much more than a trip to the store, or a quick lunch with a friend.

 I am the kind of person who needs to have a full plate. If I there are things to be done, everything runs more smoothly for me. It gives me a reason to be organized and on top of things, but when I am home? I lump around demotivated and as sucky as it feels to admit, I am a very un-fun mom. Pair that with my over-thinking and you get a frazzled and frustrated mess who invents issues that aren't actually there.  HOWEVER...

I am going to kick the rest of this winter directly and very indiscreetly in the ass.

 Today, I am going to go out and buy supplies to make valentines and buntings and fun, happy, colorful things with Mackynzie. We will craft and giggle and spend the weekend making fun plans to tie us over until spring arrives (hopefully before June...).

 My name is Rainbow. I have a magical gift to shoot streams of color and glitter out of my behind, while riding a unicorn bareback and eating a cupcake.

Cabin fever will claim us no more. I will win. I am epic.