The Field of Wishes

Happy Friday! Today was the first farmers market of the summer for our town. We came home with lots of goodies, but on our way, we stopped to play in the "field of wishes" to blow our dandelion wishes and frolic in the sunshine.

Friday is "girls night" for us. A special night where we play and laugh and paint nails. Sometimes we watch movies too! We end the night with a "sleep over" where Mackynzie and Cody switch spots and she sleeps with me and Grayson (since she now sleeps in her own bed.). It's a fun little tradition that I am absolutely loving!

If you want to see today's vlog click here!

HAPPY WEEKEND FRIENDS!

The Last Weeks: Week 1

Click here to view the first post, explaining this project. Feel free to follow along via instagram at #rainbowspregnancyproject

December 31st: "There are about 6 weeks left that it's just the three of us. Mama is full term in 4. Although, you correct anyone who tells you your brother will be here soon, telling them he is already here and part of our family. You are so wise beyond your years, my love. Today we played 'burry' in the snow. You thought it was THE funniest thing. Those moments when we are looking at each other, belly laughing, are some of my very favorite. I hope we continue to have more and more as we grow together. Thank you for making me laugh. I love you."

January 1st: "today we spent the new year having some awesome family fun. We played and wrestled and laughed. Daddy and I took you to the sled hill so Carly could pull you down in your new sled. You walked home, admiring everything your little eyes saw. I'm so grateful to have you reminding me to stop and see the beauty in everything at all times. There is always time to enjoy the life around you. Thank you for always teaching me, even if you sometimes need to remind me."

 January 2nd: "Today, I decided to cut your hair. You were just bathed and sitting quietly, so I jumped on the opportunity. You refuse to see a hair dresser, and you are firm in "growing your hair long. Like mommy's", which I am perfectly and happily fine with. We talked about how we were going to have to trim it a little after christmas to keep it healthy and growing though. You didn't protest, but kept telling me you were nervous while I cut it. I can't say I blame you, I'm no hair dresser, but it turned out good all things considered! You were happy with it afterwards, and told me we could just never cut it short. I know how important your hair is to you; I'm honored to be allowed to cut it for you. Stay you, sweet girl. I love you!"

January 3rd: "Sharing sleep with you, has been one of the most grounding parts of motherhood for me. Hearing your soft sighs, cuddling close in the wee hours of the morning, waking to your smiling face; even when we have rough days, we are always brought back together by the night. Safe and still in the quiet, any troubles from our day forgotten. I know one day you will want your own space, but for right now, I'm grateful you choose to share your sleep with us. Xoxo"

January 4th: "you take such good care of our animals. They are so important to you. You have such a beautiful and tender heart, and you have always been connected to nature and animals on a deeper level. Something that really makes my soul happy to be able to share with you. These two dogs are your best friends. Whoever said diamonds are a girls best friend must have never had a dog to grow up with like you, my love!"

January 5th: "one of the most satisfying things for me is watching you and your daddy together. You have such a special and precious bond between you. He is your best friend, and your safe resting place. You both share an understanding that is yours alone. The relationship you have with your daddy, and the special things you share are different than with you and I, and I'm so thankful for that. You will learn things I could never teach you from him. He loves you with every ounce of his giant heart, and I know you love him with all of yours. I know you two will always play silly games and cuddle as close as you can forever. We love you! Xoxo"

January 6th: "teaching you is such a joy. You are so hungry for knowledge! I didn't expect to be homeschooling you while 8 1/2 months pregnant, but I'm happy we are. You couldn't wait a second longer. I may be your teacher, but I know that you have and you will teach ME far more than I could possibly teach you. I hope I'm always open to learn your precious and invaluable lessons."

The Last Weeks: A Photo Project

December 31st: 

 There are about 6 weeks left that it's just the three of us. Mama is full term in 4. Although, you correct anyone who tells you your brother will be here soon, telling them he is already here and part of our family. You are so wise beyond your years, my love. Today we played 'bury' in the snow. You thought it was THE funniest thing. Those moments when we are looking at each other, belly laughing, are some of my very favorite. I hope we continue to have more and more as we grow together. Thank you for making me laugh. I love you.

* * * * *

I am doing a photo project to document our last weeks as a family of three, before our sweet boy's arrival. I will be posting a photo and brief description/message every day for our last 6 weeks. I'm using Instagram to share the daily photos, and will recap each week here on the blog. Maybe creating a keepsake book for Mackynzie afterwards. 

 Feel free to follow along daily through instagram, or weekly through the blog.  

A Polar Express Party

I'm sitting here, Christmas lights glowing,  chatting Cody's ear off about everything I have pondered today. Thank goodness for the way my mind can flow from one random thing to a complete other, because I remembered I never posted about our polar express party! I sat down to edit photos only to find myself saying a big' ol NOPE, because I am trying my hardest not to pile on too many things that just aren't really necessary. Sure, edited photos would look nicer, but I'm reminding myself that I am a priority (especially when pregnant.), and that magical moments shine through even the grainiest of cell phone pictures. 

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This year, we hosted our very first polar express party. I remember seeing my very first north pole party, and getting that giddy christmas excitement to share that experience with my own kids. The polar express is probably my favorite christmas movie, and we watch it every christmas eve, so I decided to make that  our theme since it felt so much like christmas to us.

Mackynzie was officially old enough this year,  to understand, appreciate and be super excited for a party like this. I set a rule for myself to "keep it simple", with things being busy with christmas and the fact that I'm pretty darn pregnant, I didn't want to over-do myself. (This pregnancy has required me to really pick and choose where my efforts go, or I get put up on the couch for an entire afternoon drinking loads of water and nursing sore hips and braxton hicks contractions.) 

It wound up being perfect. Simple, yet plenty of magic. I don't think my little girl has ever had so much fun at an event, so that right there made me feel like a million bucks. 

Pajamas where required of course. 

The break down of the afternoon was: A play session while we waited for all of our guests, gluten free cookie decorating, and a hot chocolate bar with popcorn to enjoy while we watched the polar express.

We collected all the throw pillows, giant teddy bears, and throw blankets and flopped them on the floor to create a giant, cozy, movie watching lounge for littles.

 The cookie decorating was a big hit. I loved watching what each little one chose to put on theirs, and even the specific placements on some. Kids are really hilarious in the way they like things.

Once their bellies were full of cookies, they all watched popcorn pop, filled little bowls, grabbed their hot cocoa's and piled into the living room to watch the movie. 

We had 8 kids and 3 new babies. This is most of the gang from our natural parenting group. I feel so fortunate to have these sweet friends in our life! 

At the end of the party, Mackynzie handed out little bells that said 'believe' that we made together. If you have watched the movie, you will know why I love this little detail so.

 It was a big success for our first go at it. Mackynzie cried when it was time to say good-bye (which took me by surprise, because she has never done that before!). She hugged and kissed her friends, and thanked them for coming. I can't even tell you how precious it is to see your child form friendships they are so passionate about. It fills my heart right to the top to see her share so much love with her friends. 

Reports started coming in shortly after from all the mamas, that every kid was either snoring for the night before they got home, or that they crashed shortly after. Sign of a good Christmas party? I think so!

Lights, iPhone photos, cookies!

  Often, our weekends come and we end up having a million things to do for such a short two days. It's when we like to hold off for fun activities so we can do them together, and we like doing our errands like grocery shopping together too. Last weekend was no exception. We decided to head to the city and get as much of our Christmas shopping done as we could. We try to squeeze in as much productivity as we can when we go to the city because, a) It's usually a day trip. we live close, but its still a 40 minute drive and ends up taking up almost an entire day when you factor in food stops etc. b) Our truck is not the cheapest in gas, so it gets pricey fast if we go too often. and c) we don't want to have to run back every time we need/want or forget something. for reasons mentioned in a and b. Because we don't go super often, these days are really fun.

Last Saturday we started with breakfast together (at home) and then grabbed smoothies before we hit the road. We got to the mall around 10am, and didn't leave the city until about 5. Our feet were achy, but almost all of our shopping was done, so that's awesome.

Mackynzie and I got a couple of hours of girl time to shop for Cody while he put up christmas lights for someone.  We got snow man cookies, of course.

We met up with Cody for lunch and the rest of our shopping.

 We hurried home so that we could make it in time for our towns holiday kick off and light display. I'm so glad we went. The lights were bigger than usual years, the turn out was great and the night was warm. We sipped hot cocoa while we waited in line with a very eager Mackynzie to see santa clause. (This took us a bit by surprise. We told her santa would be there, but she's not a stranger kid, and we don't feel right forcing her to sit on some guy's lap. She talked about seeing santa all day long at the mall, which was so fun, because it meant she really 'got' it and was creating the base of her christmas magic. It is really exciting to see her bloom, and also to make our own version of the holidays with her.)

 Awkward photo with santa thanks to Mackynzie and santa suggesting daddy be the one to sit on him:

She talks with her hands. This is her explaining what she'd like for christmas:

Mackynzie wanted to get a photo of mama and daddy:

 The evening ended with an awesome fireworks show, and christmas music ringing through the air. It was the perfect way to kick off the season.

It's good to just be happy

 I have a lot of feelings tonight. Pregnancy helps those flow more freely, but I have nights where I hit that deep ache of my heart and i get to just swim around there for a little while. Usually I feel overwhelmed and cry these nights. Overcome with raw and humbling gratitude. Most of it stems from motherhood; this crazy journey that throws you in every direction and teaches you every lesson that really matters -should you choose to learn. Being blessed with the privilege of raising this breath taking little person -soon to be two little people- I don't even have words to describe this feeling. My heart is raw and vulnerable as it grows and walks outside of my body. I really couldn't imagine this life any other way.

 My baby girl turned three last week. We celebrated three years of our life together. I honestly don't think anything before her mattered very much. My soul knows this is where I was walking to the entire time. Now I get to live and learn and grow like I didn't even know what life was before her. I know that's going to happen again, with just as  much force as it came with the first time. If i'm being honest, part of me is a little intimidated by that. The vulnerability that comes with growing your heart to surround another - that can be scary. I feel my love for the sweet boy I'm growing right now, while knowing that it's nothing to what I'm going to feel when I meet him. It's an odd feeling the second time. I love him, but I know how the love you feel while pregnant looks so dim in comparison to the way your heart explodes when you see their face and touch their skin.

 I'm trying to prepare myself while at the same time, know I can't possibly prepare. That's why I've been so absent everywhere lately. I'm just focused on taking care of myself, and getting Mackynzie ready to be a family of four. I have so much self work I want to do before he gets here. I have really lost myself since moving here, and I am desperately working to get myself back. To be her very best mother so that when he comes, he arrives into our lives peacefully and effortlessly. Right now I just feel like all the things I want to do and fix and work on at the end of the day, fade away by morning. So I've had to really just put everything else aside. I have realised that's the only way I'm going to accomplish what my heart needs. To shut out the distraction and chaos that is keeping up with other people's lives. It's just so not worth it to try and juggle it with the important things. I'm trying to find what works for right now, because I have finally realized that there is no such thing as balancing. Trying to balance everything is exhausting and a complete waste of time, because it just can't be done. Nobody can truly keep all their balls in the air. The thing is, we just have to decide which balls we let fall. If we try keeping them all up, then important ones end up laying on the floor being tripped over and causing more trouble.

 Instead, I know I just have to do what I can every day, and be the best mother/wife/person I can be and not ask a single thing more of myself. I have to extend that to those around me as well.

Right now, that probably means not seeing me whole lot via social media. I'll probably get behind on posts, or leave the blog quiet for periods (and then maybe post a whole bunch.). I know that eventually, I'll find time for social media and blogging, but i'm not going to let it get in front of the important stuff anymore. Honestly, I feel like when I put it that way I'll never have time, but I'm sure that won't be the case. I just want to step away from the camera and the updates and know that it's okay to just capture things in my heart. I want my kids to remember a mom who played and laughed and messed up and gave the best snuggles and hugs and kissed way too much. Not a mom who was always behind a camera or phone or not paying as much attention as I could be. It's easy to say but it's actually really hard to practice. Getting sucked into this huge social media movement (whatever you want to call it) really gets a hold of you. It makes you feel like you need it. It's a mindless craving and becomes habit so quickly. I'm not saying i'm quitting anything, I'm just saying I'm not committing to any of it. I just can't. I would love to have a consistent blog where I share everything, but right now it's just eating up too much of my precious time. She turned three. And the past year I was just so far away from where I wanted to be. A whole year of being in this confusing middle place with everything- I just can not let that happen for any longer. I need to be present and I have to re learn what that means and feel my way there.

 So with all of these feelings spilled out across the screen, I'll say this. I'm not leaving, but I'm not staying either. I'll see you when I see you. I have this weird obligatory feeling because I have a blog and it's sort of ridiculous.

 I am so thankful for all of you. For your support. For your patience as I figure out life and try to write about it. Thank you. I have learned an incredible amount from you, and I'm sure I will learn more.

 Now, I'm going to snuggle beside my sleeping daughter while my son kicks and moves inside.

(Unknown)

Full heart, full belly and pure joy

We had such a beautiful weekend. It was filled with family and fun and fall. We had our birthday party and thanksgiving on Saturday, ran errands and played on Sunday, and Monday we caught up on things needing to be done, took the dogs and Mackynzie to their parks, and went on our first ever date since becoming parents. (I plan to do some serious blog catching up this week!)

It is so stunning outside right now. This fall season has been crisp, without being cold, and the  colors have just been exploding from the trees. I'm going to try my best to get us outside to soak up the rest of it, as it doesn't last too far past halloween for us. We have leaves to collect and more pine cones and sticks to find for christmas decoration crafts.

 One of my favorite things about fall is that it seems to make everyone happy. It's almost something you can't help. As soon as you step outside and smell the leaves and feel the cold, you get this little piece of serene beauty.

 I really hope you all had a beautiful weekend. I hope your thanksgivings were so blessed and your belly's are very full if you're Canadian. I also really hope you all took a chance to get outside and see something beautiful in the simple things. I am constantly overwhelmed with the blessings in my life. My heart and my belly are both very full. Now everyone, go play in some leaves!

A chocolaty toast to fall

 This morning I checked the weather before getting us dressed like I always do, and shrugged at the 23 degree (Celsius) expected high, figuring I should accept and enjoy what would probably the last above 20 day of the year.

 We pulled on our clothes (still pants because, come on, we do live in Alberta.) and I stepped outside to check how the temperature felt before our walk. To my surprise, I was met by a cool breeze and a perfectly familiar crispness to the air. I returned inside and pulled out our unused fuzzy sweaters, happy to be comforted by long sleeves and fluffy sweater linings. Mackynzie tucked her babies into their stroller and we headed out together for our morning walk.

 Mackynzie kept saying "Oh, mama it's just a beautiful day!" and as I breathed in that fresh air, I just smiled and told her how right she was.

 It must have been that big, beautiful harvest moon last night. I hope you all got the chance to soak it in wherever you are. It was stunning. I stared at the moon the whole way home from a family dinner in the city last night, and something in me just told me that not only was this moon marking a change of season, it was also marking a change in our lives. I felt that change when I woke up this morning too. It was in my very core. I can't say exactly what it is, but I think it's just a general time for our family to be moving along in our life. There are celebrations of many ahead, a new little soul joining our family, and a lot of first's and last's.

 I love fall so much. Not just fall, though. I think I love the fact that it's the beginning of my favorite times of year. The season itself is warm and inviting, and it just becomes more so as the weather grows colder and the snow begins to fall. To me, this shift means closeness. Overwhelming happiness and being extremely grateful for all the blessings we hold. It means the tightening of relationships, the making of new friendships, and a time filled with peaceful evenings with those we love.

 So, my friends, I'm raising my warm mug of peppermint hot cocoa to you. Cheers! I hope you are all feeling warm and blessed in your lives, and that you have a beautiful changing of seasons.

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We ended our day with warm cookies mackynzie and I baked,  and cold glasses of {almond} milk. Cookie grins all around.