Oat Flour... Where have you been all my life?

 I have been learning a lot lately. Isn't that how it always goes?

One of the things I learned today makes me very happy... because seemingly odd things can make me giddy.

 Oat flour.

Grind up oats (regular, not quick.) and replace it in any recipe that calls for flour. It has a sort of light nutty taste, but it's very delicious and works very well! As a family who strive for gluten free options, this is a very awesome thing to know. I feel much more relaxed knowing i can throw some oats in my blender, rather than scouring the stores to find alternative flours that aren't always nice on the wallet. You can bet I will be baking with this from now on! not to mention how much healthier it is in comparison to the standard options. (hello fiber?) 

I baked with it for the first time this morning. I made simple gluten/dairy/egg free banana muffins for Mackynzie, okay... and for myself, to enjoy. they were a hit! I even think Cody will like it when I make him something without bananas in it.

Oh ya, putting your baking ingredients in a blender is awesome. Some of you may be thinking that this was so last year and I should know this, but hey, better late than never!

Time to sleep when baby sleeps. For real.

 Sometimes, I think I get so busy and wrapped up in the things I 'have' to do, I make myself believe that I simply don't have time to take care of myself completely. I can't do five minutes of something calming, I have to do the dishes. I can't stop and enjoy the moment right now, I am in the middle of doing something. I can't sleep when baby sleeps, That's the only time I have to get stuff done, or put my feet up. I am so silly sometimes!

 I tend to mix up things that are actually relaxing, rejuvenating, and over all better for my well being, with things that let my mind turn to mush. For example, when I get downtime in a day I tend spend it doing things like checking social media or watching mindless television. My body might be resting, but my mind is processing and thinking and generally just doing a whole lot of not so relaxing stuff.

Today, however, I took the time to actually relax. I took a nap. I slept when my baby slept. Now, napping isn't that extremely rare. Sometimes, this mama gets tired... really tired, and when I am at the point where I can  hardly get my but off the couch or speak proper English, I give in and collapse in an exhausted heap while Cody takes over for me. When I wake thirty minutes to an hour later, I don`t feel extremely well rested. Sure I`m not as close to walking into walls, but I am typically sort of cranky, lethargic, and bummed that I only got to sleep an hour and not a full nights worth of rest. That`s why I try and avoid napping and just try to tough it out until bed time. Back to today though, Mackynzie had been napping for about an hour while I read a book. I felt the familiar drowsy feeling wash over me (a feeling I would usually shake off and go on. Often due to being distracted on my phone or watching something.), and I was about to brush it off, when I stopped to think about it. Could I use a nap? Always. Was I doing something that was extremely important and could not be left for any period of time? Of course not. Having just been reading and my mind being far more relaxed than if I were doing something of the usual, I was more in tune with myself and my instincts (amazing what taking a technology break can do.) I really wanted to just snuggle my baby, so I decided I would go upstairs to do just that. I doubted I would sleep, but I figured just resting in bed would be beneficial. I crawled in beside her, snuggled her close, and closed my eyes. When I awoke, I looked at my  little girl smiling and stretching at me and thought it must have been at least an hour later! I felt like I had solidly slept for two hours! When we did everything that is needed to get out of bed and go downstairs, I was extremely surprised that only a half hour had passed. Clearly, I needed to take advantage of when my body started to show signs of sleepiness more often.

 For me, it is really hard to pry myself away from whatever I am doing and meet by basic needs sometimes. I have programmed myself to just ignore my body and push through for so many years, I have forgotten what it's like to respond and care for myself. That one is an odd realization.  Caring for everyone else, and then discovering you have been neglecting your own needs. Especially when I had thought I was taking care of myself. In reality, I was just cheating my way around it. Shoving all my stuff in the closet and shutting the door if you will. I did my hair sort of, I got dressed, I ate food, I showered, I went to bed eventually... That was all I needed, right? Well let's just say It's a work in progress, but my eyes have been opened to the fact that it's time to cut it out and take care of myself for real.I am no good to anyone if I am only sliding by.

 And with that, I think I will crawl into bed for some beauty  body sleep.

What's This? A Quiet House?

  We just had a wonderful play date with two super cute little friends and their mama. Now, Cody and Mackynzie are at music class together (without mama!). It feels really weird to have a quiet house... This is the second time Mackynzie and I have been apart for a period of time the first being a hair appointment a couple months ago. I love to see her and Cody together, and I am really glad we get to do things like this. It fills my heart and calms me to not have an ounce of anxiety about her leaving me. I thought maybe some of the people who have had comments about how we will never be able to leave each other, and how we will be mentally destroyed yada yada, could maybe be right and I would freak out or something.  Not to worry though.   They left smiling and giggling, and I retreated to the couch to an evening of a book and a yummy snack!

 A friend just brought over Beyond the sling, written by Mayim Bialik for me to read. I'm super excited. I have heard nothing but wonderful things about it, and the more I find out about her, the more I like her! 

Has anyone read this? What did you think?

If you would like to keep in touch with me and see what I am up to, you can follow me on twitter here, and on instagram (just search 'rainbowmiller').

Our Journey Into Night Weaning: Night 7

If you haven't already, you can read about our decision to night wean 19 month old Mackynzie, with Dr. Jay Gordon's method of changing sleep patterns in the family bed,  and how night 1, night 2, night 3, night 4,  night 5, and night 6 went.

 Night 7 was good. It was not as good as night 6, but it was still good.

Mackynzie went to bed easily at about 8:15. I went to bed around 10:30. She woke up twice during the night, but only needed me to lay her back down and she rolled over and went to sleep. Nothing more, that was that. She woke up shortly after 6am, and after nursing she slept until close to 8.

This morning, we did our usual Saturday morning thing; going to the bakery for breakfast and then we stopped at the library to get cards. We hit the grocery store before heading home. We were all well rested and happy. This is so nice.

Night weaning was a really good idea for our family. I am really glad I just went with my gut and we did our own thing, instead of worrying about how anyone else felt about us doing what we needed to do.

We are going to keep doing what we have been doing, and I will come back for a one month update on how everything has gone/is going.

 I never imagined something like night weaning could have such an impact on our lives, but it has. I am very grateful for this experience.

Our Journey Into Night Weaning: Night 6

 Continuing with our decision to night wean 19 month old Mackynzie, with Dr. Jay Gordon's method of changing sleep patterns in the family bed, we are now on night 6 (about to go on to night 7 tonight.). You can read about night 1, night 2, night 3, night 4, and night 5.

 Oh night 6... You surprising, wonderful night, you...

If you have been keeping up with our night weaning experience, you will know that yesterday I was concerned about how night 6 would go. Mackynzie had had a really late nap (she didn't wake up until 3:30pm and she usually has her nap around 10:30am.) and before all this, that meant bed time was basically going to be a big flop.

 It actually went quite well! She was sleeping by something like 8:30, and didn't wake at all between the time she went to bed and I went to sleep. I even had to change her entire outfit, and the bed because she was sleeping so heavily she had an accident. She hardly flinched with me moving her around and even sitting her up to change her shirt! I came to bed later then usual, at around 11pm, and had a hard time falling asleep. Go figure. She sleeps like a log and I am restless... haha  I think I fell asleep somewhere between 11:30 and midnight, sort of dreading the thought that she would most likely be up in an hour or so and i was so tired. I laid my hand on her chest to make sure she was still breathing ( Yes, sometimes I am still ridiculous like that.) and must have closed my eyes, because that's all I remember. She woke up calmly and sat up and made some random noises to get my attention. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see it was very light out through the blinds. I glanced at the clock and had to do a double take. It was 6:38! We slept through the night! For the very first time in our entire life together! I asked her If she would like to nurse then, and she giggled and said 'ya!' with a little bounce. She cuddled against me and nursed. We had done this every morning since she was born, but this time felt different. She rubbed my belly and chest, and unlatched to smile at me a couple times. I combed my fingers through her hair and made humming noises at her. Maybe it is because I am finally getting some sleep, that I can now fully appreciate this, but I felt like our relationship had grown stronger, and onto its next chapter. I didn't have the itchy, icky feeling I had been getting so many times before when we nursed. I was just enjoying her in that moment, and she was enjoying me. Everything felt right again and the past few weeks of us feeling disconnected through all the chaos that our life has been, felt as though it had never existed. I watched her in that moment and breathed a heavy sigh of relief. We weren't lost. I wasn't a bad mom who was loosing her daughter already. Though our bond had always been there, it was stronger than ever now. It is stronger than ever. And it's this beautiful new chapter of our relationship, where she is expressing her feelings and love right back to me, in ways besides nursing.

I feel good.

She fell asleep again, and we slept until about 7:45-8am. We woke up and started our day with a really great fresh start.  Tonight might be the complete opposite of last night, who knows. But that doesn't matter. We needed that night and we got it. Things are getting better and we are sure to have some less than perfect nights ahead, but I bet we will have some pretty great ones too.

Our Night Weaning Journey: Night 5

 Night 5 already?! It Feels like we just started this journey, but at the same time, it feels so normal it's like we have been doing this forever.

 Don't misinterpret that last statement as 'this is going so smoothly it feels like air' or anything crazy like that. No, it has not been completely smooth sailing thus far. Take night 5 for example, last night was a little more like our nights before we started night weaning 19 month old Mackynzie.

 Bedtime went smoothly. We did our routine as usual, had a good walk together (we even got caught in the rain), and she went to sleep at about eight o'clock. I went to bed at 10:30, and was hoping for another one-night wake up. She ended up waking up 3 times, with one potty break. The last wake up at about 5am was probably the most challenging. She was really angry with me this morning and was trying to flop off the bed.  Picture me lunging around trying to prevent her from flying off the bed into the miscellaneous objects that have yet to be unpacked... While half asleep... Not much fun. I finally got her to settle by laying her on my chest, but the goal of these next few days is to lay her down awake, so every time I would lay her down she would freak out again. She fell asleep a few times, but would wake only a few minutes later and we would have to start from square one. This went on until 6, when I nursed her and she fell asleep. When I tried to put her down (At this point, I was pretty eager to get my last little bit of sleep.) I couldn't. she would clench up and suction her little body against mine. I waited until she was more soundly asleep, and was able to lay her beside me. She ended up sleeping until 9am, so that was a perk.
 It WAS really hot yesterday, so our house was uncomfortably warm at bedtime. I am thinking that could have had something to do with the extra wake ups.

She woke happy, but because of the late wake up, she wasn't tired for her usual 10-11am nap. A friend of mine came over to visit for the day, so she wound up passing out at the breast at about 2pm, and sleeping on the couch until I woke her at 3:30.  I am a little nervous for tonight because of the late sleeping, but she didn't go to bed too difficultly. It took me about 20-30 mins to settle her and nurse her to sleep. I will be heading to bed in an hour or so, so I guess we will all know tomorrow!

Our Night Weaning Journey: Night 4

We survived the transition into the second set of 3 nights! It actually went quite well!

She went to bed fairly easy and Cody went to bed about half an hour before her, so I got a nice evening to myself. I didn't even let myself clean haha. The dogs woke her up around 9:30, but she went back to sleep quickly at the breast.  I went to bed at about 10:30. When she woke me up, I was shocked to see that it was around 5:10am. She has never slept that long without waking. Ever. She wanted to nurse and got a little upset and smacked away the cup of water I offered, but once she calmed down and I told her she only had to sleep a little more before she could have 'boobie' she went back to sleep. It probably took maybe 15 minutes. Maybe. She woke up again around 6:30 (I only glanced at the clock.), nursed, and went back to sleep until approximately 7:45.

It. Was. Glorious.

I woke up feeling refreshed and happy, and it was obvious that she was in a better mood too. We woke up smiling and giggling with each other, then went downstairs for breakfast.

I thought that last night would be the worst night, but maybe these next three nights wont be so bad after all?