I have come to realise something as I look through my blog here and there. I really don't share a lot about our life anymore. Sure, I share photos and bits and pieces, but I stopped sharing how we live. Passions, goals, lifestyle, quirky nothingness. I don't know exactly what happened, but my guess is that I just don't know how. You see, I am the kind of person that likes solidified answers to my questions. I like to know how it is, so that I can move on as soon as possible. In this journey however, I have been slowly seeing the beauty in doing the opposite. It might be hard to kick old ways of thinking, but there is this place of adrenaline and accomplishment in the moments you do. It comes only after you have thought you couldn't push any further, but you do. Just one last shove and -BAM- you do it. You break through ties you may have not realised where holding you and there is this moment of peace. It.Feels.Amazing. I suppose It has been mostly because of insecurities. I have taken a more severe approach to what and how I share, on both ends, so I have been (mostly) unconsciously hiding away and not really sharing much of anything. I keep saying to myself "I didn't like how I was presenting myself. I don't want to go back to that. It wasn't me. But being 'safe' just isn't me either.". And so I sit and stew often about what I should do, what I am too scared to do, why I even bother with a blog, and all the in-between. I have been such a people-pleaser my entire life, that I often don't even realise that I am making decisions based on others. Will people like me? What if I make someone mad? What if someone thinks I'm a bad mom? What if they take one look at my face and judge me for my age? I think it really just boils down to the all-to-common question: "What if nobody likes me?". I'm finally understanding the meaning of the answer to that now. So what. Someone will always like you. Someone will always dislike you. Does that mean you base your own self worth on the opinion of another, who has such little impact on your whole life? Sometimes, it will sting. Hell, sometimes it will burn. Bad. There will always be criticism, rejection, snide comments, and people who want to hurt your feelings. We can focus on how bad all of it makes us feel, or we can turn our backs and walk away. Focus on the good. The compliments, acceptance, polite remarks, and people who can relate to you. We can learn from the things that sting, and grow, rather than wither.
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt
“I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.”
-Bill Crosby
I am always finding myself having little bursts of inspiration or an urge to share an aspect of our lives, but then I don't. Well, now I think it's silly and If I want to spend time writing here, I might as well be upfront and real. I know it's a slow change, and that it will be a process far deeper than simply typing and hitting 'publish', but I know how good it's going to feel. I can't keep hiding, and pushing people away in fear of what they may think of me. I am me, and there is no getting around that. I feel like I have found the confidence that I admire so much in others, in myself.
At first glance, I may just be a young girl, with a husband and a baby and an ordinary life, but there is so much beauty in this life. I just so happen to be the kind of girl who likes to share the beauty around her. I know not everyone will think the same things are beautiful as I do, but I'm okay with that now. The point is that it excites my heart and brings light to my eyes. Really, that's all that matters. I will always have my own beauties to surround myself with and right now, I want to document and share it. Without the fear or insecurities. Most of them are silly anyhow.
Thanks for tagging along as I learn to be myself, who knew what a process it would be!
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