On Growth and Change

 'This is what I’ve come to believe about change: it’s good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean that it’s incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that it has the potential to open you up, to open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God’s hand, which is where you wanted to be all long, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly what you thought it should be.So this is the work I’m doing now, and the work I invite you into: when life is sweet, say thank you, and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you, and grow.” -Shauna Niequist 

I started this post yesterday, thinking it was going to go one way, only to have it go in another direction. This quote is extremely appropriate. Change. It hold so much meaning. I have spent a long time thinking something was wrong with me for never being at a solid place. Never saying 'whew, that seems good for now.'. Always learning, growing, changing, rethinking. There have been many tears, many moments where I have felt like I was insane and just couldn't get a grip. And then I realised that there was nothing wrong with me. The constant change was normal, in fact, it was(is) extremely healthy. The only thing that was going to drive me insane, was my constant desire to control it. To mold it into what I wanted it to be. All I had to do was let go and ride the waves.  It's still hard to do that. Maybe it always will be, but it's what I am doing now. 

I read something today. It was something I have known, and have been working on, but have had many struggling and failed attempts. It was timed perfectly actually, I have had extra drive to follow through and I think this was the final push I needed. It's called 'How To Miss a Childhood' written by Rachel, from Hands Free Mama And its amazing. There are tons of quotes and articles and sayings that tell the same story, but there is something about the way that she shared hers that stuck. Not just with me, but with hundreds of people.

 I am on a Journey. A journey to do better, be better, to grow and change, stand and fall, belly laugh and collapse in tears. The road ahead of me is filled with lessons;  there is just so much more to learn every single day. This blog is a piece of this journey; a small piece, but a piece non the less. I want to include it to help me learn and to remember and cherish and laugh. This is my life. My beautiful, messy, unpredictable life, and I want to share it with you. The reason I want to include this blog (and for recent changes and spotty presence.), is because I want to learn how to break down my barriers. To share what I am really thinking and feeling. To let myself be vulnerable and know that it's okay. 

 One of my favorite quotes is by Mary Oliver: "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" 

 My answer? I am going to ride each and every wave as it comes, with the knowledge that I may not be able to control what happens in my life, but I can absolutely control the way I spend my life.